Parking Lot Etiquette 101

Okay, I’ve simply HAD IT. Parking lot etiquette is a big pet peeve of mine and any sense of making way for others has apparently left the minds of the populace at this point so I’m going to lay it out for you visually, nice and simple. Feel free to print these handy little images out and stick ‘em on violators windshields or pass them out.

Personally, I’d also recommend these jewels that Dee found.

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Lesson 1 - You are not the only person in the parking lot, hence the other cars trying to park and or leave. Therefore do not be a moron and stand in the middle of the parking aisle talking to friends. Do not let your children act like morons and run wild in and out of cars. Do not be a moron and wander aimlessly through the center of the aisle. See illustration below:

Lesson 2 - If you don’t know how to park a car, let someone else drive or take public transportation. WTF is up with you people? Seriously. I will detail the top 5 violations I have seen within the last 7 days in the illustration below:

Violation #1 : If your automobile is too large for the parking spaces allotted it is a sign from God that you do not need a military grade vehicle to go to Target. Larger parking spaces are usually located to the side of an establishment or park at the back of the lot.

Violation #2: Straddlers. Your car is no more important than mine or any other vehicle in the parking lot. Therefore you do not need to take up multiple spaces. Get over yourself. If you are so freakin’ terrified of a bump or a ding, park in the back of the lot and trot your happy arse up to the storefront. Good karma would be to grant you one flat tire for every space you straddle that is not your own. Oh yes, I see you three space hoggers, I do.

Violation #3: Motorcycle drivers and bicyclist who take up a full parking spot. While I will give a motorcycle a pass if the establishment is stupid enough not to designate specific parking for them, I will not give them a pass for parking so far into the spot that you don’t see them until you’re half way in it yourself! And I swear if I see another bicycle tied to a traffic sign, handicap sign or cart return that blocks a parking spot I might just slash a tire.

Violation #4: If you are too damn lazy to return a cart to the appropriate location, then don’t take it out of the store. You are no more frazzled, harried or buzy than I am. Take the extra 90 seconds to walk off some of your double peppermint mocha with sprinkles and put the cart in the return corral or <gasp> back into the store. Leaving carts in handicap spaces (seen it), parking islands, and in between parked cars (the worst) is completely unacceptable.

Violation #5: Half spotters. If you are in such an all fired hurry to get into the store that you can’t bother to completely pull into a parking slot then save the world and yourself the hassle and order online, pay the overnight shipping and save us all the headache. Because I bet you’re the same obnoxious person in line doing the pee pee dance when the person in front of you isn’t ringing up correctly. Do you not realize that hanging the back end of your vehicle into the lane of traffic SERIOUSLY complicates other people coming and going? Are you so wrapped up in yourself that you don’t care? I mean really. This violation also corresponds with Violation #1